Today is a difficult day for the family. Today marks the 10th anniversary of Papa’s death. I fell asleep around 4 in the morning to Loretta Lynn’s rendition of Peace in the Valley. Then on today of all days Reverend Grace gave a sermon that started with Johnny Cash. Of all the musicians that could have been at the heart of a sermon it was The Man in Black. He happened to be one of Papa’s favorite singers. In fact it was Johnny Cash and Roy Orbison I clung to in order to remember Papa’s voice. On top of that the choir sang Softly and Tenderly, while not the arrangement I am used to humming myself, it still was one I always associate with Papa. I called Mama, who is sitting in the hospital with a staph infection and has major problems with diabetes. In the end it was diabetes that was credited as the cause of Papa’s death. So that hits hard as well. Altogether its a very emotional day. I keep hearing things that both comfort and make my heart ache today. Mama said something that struck me when I was talking to her. I lost my Papa, the person I knew loved me as much as my Daddy, the person I always felt was in my corner and I couldn’t disappoint. I know and have never doubted my whole family loved me, but I also knew I could disappoint them and indeed had on occasion. Papa though stood up to the whole world for me. I was his princess. He was Mama’s Daddy, to her he was as special as my Daddy is to me. But Mom said that while he was those things to us, he was Nana’s person. He was her best friend, her husband, and the man she loved above all others. He was to her as my partner is to me, he was to her what Daddy is to Mama. She has gone on for 10 years without him. Not hearing his voice. Seeing only pictures. Not having his scent envelop her with love and comfort. I can’t imagine a life where I don’t have my partner to reach out to, to be unable to talk to him, the thought rips my heart out. Yet she has carried on, she hasn’t given into darkness of grief and depression. I never thought about how much strength that must take to keep going on alone. Living in a nursing home, it can’t be an easy life. I don’t feel pity for her but I sit in awe today at her strength and love for all of us. There is no one in this world like Thomas Jerald Chew. My partner, my brother, and my Daddy share some similarities and Lord knows Mama is her father’s daughter. But he was one of a kind. The most loving, caring, and gentle man I knew. He was very nurturing, he worked the nursery in the churches we went to when I was little. He had a gift with babies. I mourn that he was never able to see me have children of my own and hold them. They would have undoubtedly known they were loved beyond measure simply for existing in his world. I know I did. I miss him so much and I hope I can be even a fraction of as loving as he was.