Thursday was a really bad day for me. I went through an emotional ringer. Yesterday was better I wasn’t upset in the same way anymore. I went from crying and hurting to angry and now I am sitting in a state of cold indifference. I have no shame to bear for having the health problems that I do. My pain is real. But most of all dammit I am stronger than I seem. One asshole will not drag me back to those dark spots of pure despair. I am a fighter. I wasn’t blessed with physical strength by any means; that gift belongs to my brother. I was however given an iron will and the strength to get back up every day. I grit my teeth until my ears hurt from the pressure on my jaw. I grit my teeth until I taste that distinctive iron flavor of blood in my mouth. But I still get up. I don’t give in. Those clenched teeth are an outward expression of how I am mentally pulling myself up off the floor, working through the pain. That is the kind of pain that desires nothing but to see me give up. That will never happen. I come from a line of fighters and emotionally strong people as far back as can be known. That strength, determination, and tenacity runs through my veins as surely as it did through their veins. I say all this to ensure it is understood that I refuse to surrender to my pain. I may be writing this from bed due to the pain but my mind is in no way useless. I will not fall to the darkness.