I haven’t felt the way I feel today in probably a decade. Went to the doctors office to get accommodation paperwork filled out for work. My primary care wasn’t available so I saw a Nurse Practitioner. Now I have been seening Ampiaw (my primary) for 10 years. She filled out the paperwork for my high school and college accommodations. The guy I saw today was a complete and total SOB. Apparently requesting this paperwork be filled out was asking him to lie because Fibromyalgia isn’t a recognized diagnosis. There are no definitive tests to prove a patient has it. Also filing paperwork isn’t his job since he doesn’t get paid for it. On top of that my problems aren’t his problem. I felt humiliated. I didn’t cry in the office. I wouldn’t dare let them see how hurt I was. But as soon as I was in the car I lost it. To be honest I am still crying. Not bawling but silent tears that don’t stop. I have never been treated that way by a medical professional. The last time someone made me feel this way they weren’t even medical professionals. The implication that my pain is a figment of my imagination tears at my very soul. I was diagnosed as a child. I have lived with my pain and all the other effects for so long I do not remember life without it. I am not looking for attention. I am not lying about my pain. I can repeat this to myself over and over again and even still knowing they are the truth I feel pathetic. I feel worthless. I don’t need validation. I need help. Asking for help and being treated the way I was today makes me feel like whats the point of trying. Why should I even try? If the person charged with helping me refuses and treats me like I am scum what can I do? Where is the hope? I am absolutely done with Columbus Clinic. I am sick of it. I thought it would be an okay clean break away but this was pure ugly and I am done. I won’t speak to the staff, I won’t have anything to do with them ever again. I want to stay in bed and just disappear right now. I don’t want to even exist in a world where I am seen as a liar, a faker, attention seeker, etc. It hurts.