As of the 30th of this month my time at my current job will end. The realization that this is nearly a week away is both exciting and somber for me. Over the last year and a half I grew to truly love the company. I developed a passion for my work. More than these though I found coworkers that I deeply care for and will greatly miss.
When I began this job I was in a dark and low place emotionally. I admittedly saw myself as failure. Every achievement made by my peers and those younger than me weighed heavy on my concept of my own worth. This is not to say I was not proud of them nor that I resented their success, in fact it was very much the opposite. I celebrated and felt great joy for them, I knew that their accolades were well earned. Instead I resented myself. I compared what I saw as uselessness in myself to them. I of course came to realize this was the worst possible way I could treat myself, but at the time there seemed to be no hope. The first few weeks after I started I still had doubts but they began to retreat.
It was at this point, 2 or 3 weeks into training, that I realized I was actually incredible at my job. I exceeded my own expectations but also those of my trainer. I’ve always learned quickly but here I was able to apply my knowledge just as fast. I can proudly say I have maintained my personal standards concerning the quality of my work with great consistency. Years of feeling mediocre at best evaporated. The more I worked the more passionate I became. The feeling has been exhilarating.
I will not claim that my success has been entirely of my own making. I have had the most incredible people helping me to reach these heights. I had supervisors and leaders I began mentally considering to be my work Moms. They looked after me, encouraged me, and always managed to make me smile even on the toughest days. I honestly have been so blessed to know these women. I also had those I saw as my work siblings, the coworkers who I resonated with and looked forward to our random chats whenever they might happen. Honestly everyone I interacted with during my time here left indelible marks on my heart. I am a better woman because of their impacts. These are making the process of saying goodbye far more of an emotional experience than I expected.
I know that as with any job I have had moments of exasperation but overall I feel that my time here has been one of great healing and growth. I rediscovered myself. I found that the little girl who was certain she could take on the world still existed within my soul. The strength I had long ago has returned tenfold. I see my true self worth and capabilities. I see that my future is bright. I may have no clue what I will do but I know that I will thrive wherever I may go. My heart is full of love and gratitude for those who raised me up and opened my eyes during this time.
In 11 days this chapter will close. I will be stepping onto a new road but I will not forget the lessons I learned on this road. I know that when I write my next update on the status of my life there will be tales of great adventures and exciting changes.