Anyone who is well acquainted with me knows my story. Born prematurely with birth defects and other issues that later defined themselves as chronic illnesses. I look at these struggles as briars and brambles crossing through my path.
This blog is titled The Wandering Lane for a reason. When I try to put my view of life into a visual representation I continuously return to a country lane. It isn’t perfect, the lane is worn from time and overgrown. Parts have not been explored for generations although it is clear someone originally cut this path through the wild lands. As with all overgrown paths, there are obstacles, my briars. I see my disabilities as the briars of my life. They catch and snag, they slow me down, and most of all they cause me pain. But the thing about briars on a country lane is you can cut them back and find ways to bring order and control to their existence.
I cannot destroy the causes of my pains. They are a part of me and truthfully they have made me who I am. I am grateful for all my experiences. Without living through these pains and struggles I would not have discovered the depth of my strength. I can give thanks even as the tears roll down my cheeks.
Today is one of the days I have stumbled into a briar patch. I had to walk with my cane today for the first time in months. I struggled with the feeling of water hitting my skin as I showered. I searched through every item of clothing I own until I found something that did not make me want to cry. Despite these struggles and the slow speed I am moving at I made it to work. My body is indeed weak and these moments of pain sometimes feel unbearable, but I still push onward. I find ways to work around the pain. I cut back the briars in my path.
The briars will always be there in the lane. They will always grow back no matter how much I prune them. But they don’t dictate my path. They exist there but I will walk beyond them. I will push forward and find the path hidden beneath.
Beautifully said
I know it is difficult, nothing was more heartbreaking than carrying you through all the difficulties, those were my briars too, but you were/are my joy through it all. I’d do it again in a heartbeat. You walk your path, just know that for now I will be here, right behind you if you need me. I will do all I can to make sure we can handle the briars together in areas where you need me, I am still strong enough for that and I will not leave you until I can’t go with you any further, but by then you’ll be carrying others but I will watch you just like Nana, Edie, Bettie and others do. Our blood flows through your veins. We give you our wisdom and strength all the steps of your life. You changed my path and with you I saw the most beautiful things on my path, the roses, the cute little forest creatures that also lived among the briars, a little earth sheltered place to wait out the storms. You will find your way. I love you, always. – Momma