Some thoughts on pain

Pain is such an abstract concept. People experience a broad range of pain in their lives. It is intertwined with living. I’ve long tried to put my pain into words or images. I cataloged my pain in diaries and journals reaching back as far into my past as my ability to write. Some days it is difficult to explain the sensations that I consider pain. As a child I would say something along the lines of my leg is sparkling when I wanted to describe how it felt after the limb fell asleep. Not sparkling like glitter, I meant sparkling like a sparkler quick burning sensations wide spread and hitting on repeat. It always confused the adults though so I stopped referring to the sensation as sparkling except within my head. The most common sensation I feel is what I call misfiring nerves. This usually starts like an electric shock in my neck and runs down every nerve in the rest of my body. Its sharp, quick, and causes me to jolt. My pain today is different. It isn’t a quick or sharp pain. I can feel my bones. Like where the flesh meets the bones I can feel it and it is uncomfortable. I feel it the strongest in my hips right now. I can feel where the bone flares out, without touching it. Its a freaky feeling because I am feeling it from the inside not outside. I am referring to it as pain because it does hurt. Like stubbing your toe or a tooth ache kind of hurt. A throb that won’t go away. I can take clothing that is hurting off when my skin hurts. I cannot take my flesh off. This sensation is definitely in the top 5 of the list of most uncomfortable types of pain I have experienced. Despite these sensations I will carry on and do what needs to be done.

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